My Make-Up Style

Over the past five months, I have become uncomfortably acquainted with the damaging effects stresses emit on the body, mind and spirit.  I am pretty sure my first indicator was looking in the mirror and seeing a drawn reflection, void of expression, often tear filled eyes staring back at me.  Some struggles empty your spirit as you work to find the coping strategies capable of encompassing common sense and in an act of poetic expression caring for each other, the mind shuts down or the body produces illness forcing you to sleep.

The fullness of my every minute has come to an abrupt halt leaving me in a shell shocked world trying to rebalance and find trust in the belief, although I am no longer able to control my loved ones environment because they are no longer here, I take the time to visualize an invisible protection so powerful, they are impervious to pain, abuse or any number of dangers common in our world today.

So impeccably strong is the power of a Mother’s love.  Balanced wisdom grows within us as we mature and the inner strength we gain from our own Mom, reminding us of what we cannot change and must accept.  I find myself comforted by simple things like,  healthy self talk such as “I am safe in this moment”, “I feel good”, “I am loved” and I continue to surround myself with the beauty I create within the confines of my physical world, appreciating my home, my community and my family and friends.

For me, most daunting, have been the obvious physical changes, weight gain, unhealthy skin tone, wrinkles, puffiness, nervousness, sleep disturbances, racing heart, emotional instability and fatigue while with others weight loss amongst other irritations and numerous other health conditions can occur.  How do we pull ourselves through times of struggle?  Big or small, stress is UGLY and a part of our daily lives.  I believe we have to create our own prescriptions for health.  I suggest you consider making lists.  This is how I dealt with my stress.

1. While in the thick of it, I think we have to let go. Meeting expectations for others becomes such a tall order; I chose to not stress myself beyond emotional break.  This meant to make healthy meals but if I wanted more, or treats, I let myself have it.  The worry here is becoming a victim of my old bad habits, but I told myself “this is a moment in time, let it go” and I did what I had to do.  Caring for four extra people, three of which were very sick, in a home built comfortably for two, turned my world upside down.  Finding time to sleep was a challenge.  I even reversed my schedule and became a night care giver to my Granddaughter feeding her through an NG tube and watching for vomiting to prevent aspiration while working my day job in between massive interruptions.  Unfortunately, I also let go of exercise and meditation, as there was no time.  In the morning, I worked on my emotional health while drifting off to sleep, earplugs in and an eye pillow to block out all light.
2. A simple physical change I could make in my home was I diffused and use therapeutic grade essential oils such as citrus smells, peppermint, lavender and Frankincense to alter the frequency of the limbic system.  The science of smell is powerful.  My Grandchildren reminded me of this daily, I was able to change their states waving an open bottle under their little noses calming them instantly.
3. I understand I have high expectations; I had to let that go.  To be able to work and sleep, I let my home go as much as I could stand.  I decided asking everyone to pitch in became too much, so I chose what I would neglect and what they actually did do, I attempted to appreciate it while reminding myself to not be a martyr.
4. Finally, I showered less often and I did not take the time to shave my legs.  I most often didn’t put on makeup and I didn’t take the time to care for my skin.  I tried to avoid the scale and the mirrors.  I didn’t have time to fuss about them.

Post Open Heart Surgery, let the healing begin.

It has been five days since my life has returned to my previous routine.  Today is the first day I have felt like writing.  Yesterday was the first day I took time to meditate.  I have had an eye twitch for a week and I am trying to cure it by first accepting it and realizing it is a manifestation of the cumulative months of upheaval, genuine concern over family health, sadness and loss of my Father in law and the complete and total breakdown in the value of time.

It is easy to say “you have to take the time to care for yourself” but I know there are occasions when that is impossible.  Today is the day I move forward in rebuilding my wellbeing, developing my prescription for health, reflecting on my gratefulness to my family, as always, who came to my rescue in moments of despair and I am celebrating in those little things, reconnecting to the blessing of breathing in ‘time’, a slower pace, smiling at the antics of my pets, the option to not cook or prepare a meal, rocking on the back deck with a glass of wine while enjoying the chirping of the birds and an occasional sweet fragrant breeze, piddling in my yard, redesigning my living space and dreaming of the life I choose to live.  Rather than being controlled by chaos, give in and go with the flow.

The Serenity Prayer